Nick's Trilogy
by Vol lady
Summary: Three short stories about Nick and his relationships with Heath, Audra and Jarrod.
1. Chapter 1

Set just before Heath's first birthday as part of the Barkley family.

Nick's Trilogy – Chapter 1

The First Birthday

Nick didn't tell anyone where he was going. He figured it wasn't going to take a long time to do what he wanted to do, and if anyone knew about it – especially Heath – they might not understand why he wanted to go where he was going. It was silly and sentimental, a side of himself that Nick didn't always like letting out, but sometimes it was just right. Like now.

As he rode up to where he was going, he thought a lot about why he was going there, and he thought a lot about what had been happening to the Barkley family over the last few months. Heath coming out of nowhere to claim his place, winning the family over one by one and Victoria, of all people, being won over first. The thought made Nick laugh now, because he was the one who had been won over last. But now he loved that kid as if he'd always been around.

Nick couldn't even begin to explain it, even to himself. The boy just proved himself, over and over, so that in a matter of weeks – no, days – Nick thought of Heath as his brother. As if he'd always been there. It was impossible to think he hadn't always been there.

Nick kept smiling and laughing, remembering times he'd shared with his new brother over the last few months. Fighting at Sample's farm, Heath fitting perfectly into their father's boots, good times at the poker tables in Stockton, fun times just riding like the wind together out in the field. Tough times too – Heath being wounded by the Miles boy, Heath having to testify at the Kyles trial with Jarrod parboiling him in cross-examination – but also the grace the kid showed when the tough times hit. The steadfastness to his new family.

God, I love that boy, Nick thought to himself, and laughed at himself to think he almost refused to let it happen.

In a few days, it would be Heath's first birthday with the family. Nick had been struggling for a month, trying to decide what the best gift would be, what the best celebration would be, how not to go overboard but how not to give the meaning of that day short shrift. He had found a gift he thought was good – a new leather vest now that Heath's old one was beginning to get a little thin in spots. Nick had it wrapped and hidden under his bed. But somehow he thought there should have been more. He just didn't know what it was until it came to him that morning.

"I got to run an errand today, Heath," he said suddenly at the breakfast table. "I'll let you take care of the men, all right?"

"Sure," Heath said. "Where you going?"

"Oh, it's – no big deal, just someplace I have to go check something out."

Jarrod raised his eyebrows. "That's really helpful information, Nick. Where am I supposed to go to bail you out of jail?"

Nick gave him a sneer. "Very funny, big brother. Trust me, you won't have to bail me out this time."

"You promise to be good?" Victoria said with a smirk.

"I promise to be good and be home in time for dinner," Nick said.

And that was all he would tell them. Jarrod still looked at him crossways when he rode away, but Heath didn't seem to give him another thought. Nick realized that he and Heath had built a bond of trust over the months he'd been here that was even more solid than Nick had with the other members of his family. Working together day in and day out had really forged that bond.

And Nick liked it a lot. It was so good to have that brother who knew him so well and trusted him so well that they could almost move in tandem every time they really needed to. Sure he loved Jarrod and Eugene, but they were different kinds of men than he was. Heath was closer to Nick in temperament. Heath understood without even trying.

So, Nick decided to run a certain errand and probably never tell anybody about it, except for one particular person he hoped would know he'd come here. As he came into the town he was hoping to reach, he went looking for the exact place he wanted to be. It wasn't a big town. It wasn't hard to find what he was looking for.

He dismounted and tethered his horse to a tree – there wasn't anything around here more solid to tether it to. It took a little bit of looking around, but Nick finally found what he was looking for. And there it was, just like Heath had described it, a little scrape of a grave in a potter's field, but a place that might have meant more to Heath than any place in the world, even the Barkley ranch.

Leah Thomson

Born – 1830

Died – 1872

That was all it said, just the name of a woman Nick only knew through her son and the dates she was alive. He took his hat off and knelt beside the grave. He brushed some leaves away from the stone and then just looked at it. He tried to imagine what she looked like, how she smiled. Did she have that crooked little smile Heath had? No, probably not. Both Jarrod and their father had a touch of that smile. Did she have those deep-set eyes that made you believe there was a lot of thinking going on back there? Maybe.

But he knew she had that gentleness that his half-brother had. Kindness, understanding. Tough as nails and ready to fight at a moment's notice, but even more gentle than any Barkley. That part of Heath had to have come from this woman lying here.

"Hi, I'm Nick Barkley," Nick said out loud, feeling awkward about it but feeling like it was necessary. "I'm Heath's brother. Half brother, but true brother now. His birthday is coming up, and it's the first one with us, and – well, I just didn't want to forget you right now. I know I never knew you and you never knew me, but on Heath's birthday – you gave a gift to me. Best gift I ever could have hoped for. I know that sounds silly, but I wanted to tell you that. I want you to know how much I've come to love that boy. I have two other brothers and I love them with everything in me, but Heath has come to mean so much to me. We work together, we carry on together, we just – fit together. We got a lot of things in common, but where we're different, we just fit. Where I'm fast tempered, he's sensible. Where I'm rough, Heath is gentle, and I know he got those things from you.

"I just want you to know something. I love that boy, and I love you for giving him to me. To us, really. The whole family is so grateful he found his way to us, and you led him there, too. I have so much to thank you for, and with his birthday coming – well, I wanted you to know he's doing fine, and he's loved and appreciated and – I thank you for sending him our way.

"Maybe our father is up there looking after you, and I won't mind one bit if he is. I know how Heath came to be had its – well, it was rough on us all when we found out. But not now. We all love him, and we all love you, even if we never knew you. We know you through him."

Nick stood up. "I know this might sound wrong, but I know my mother wouldn't fault me for saying it. I bless the day you saved my father and came into his life. If you hadn't, we'd have lost him, and we'd have never had Heath. We're gonna give him the best birthday he ever had, and we're gonna make sure you're a part of it, too. We got enough love to spread around, and we know where to spread it. Good-bye, Miss Thomson."

Nick put his hat on, fetched his horse and mounted up. He gave one last looked Leah Thomson's way, and again, he thanked God for the day she birthed Heath. He threw her a soft kiss, and he rode back home.


	2. Chapter 2

Set after A Flock of Trouble and Time After Midnight. Audra has a big decision to make.

Nick's Trilogy – Chapter 2

The Next Step

"You're looking more like Jarrod every day," Nick said.

Heath looked up from his comfortable seat on the ground, his back against a tree. "What? What do you mean?"

Nick sat down beside him. "I mean, you look more and more like you're thinking too much."

Heath sighed. "Not too much. But not too little, either."

They both looked out across the valley thirty or so feet below, at the cattle grazing happily. It was a gorgeous day, a good day for watching from a comfortable seat on the ground. "What are you thinking about?"

"Truth be told, our little sister," Heath said.

"Audra? What's got you thinking about her?"

"She told me last night that Carl Wheeler asked her to marry him."

Nick shot upright like he was blasted out of a cannon. "What? She hasn't told me that!"

"She told Jarrod and me but she swore us to secrecy," Heath said. "She didn't give Carl an answer."

"Oh," Nick said and quieted down, half wondering why she hadn't told him about it, and half wondering why she hadn't accepted Carl's proposal right away.

"She didn't want to tell you that yet," Heath said, "that she didn't give him an answer. Carl's your friend, and she didn't want to tell you she wasn't sure she wanted to marry him."

"All right," Nick said. "I can understand her not telling me. But why does she think she doesn't want to marry him? He's a decent guy, owns a good-sized ranch, works hard."

"Yeah, he's all those things, but Audra isn't sure about marrying him. She's still awful young, Nick. She's like you – still has her wild oats to sow."

"Does she know you're telling me this?" Nick asked.

"No, I just now decided to do it," Heath said.

"She'll be madder than a wet hen at you."

"I wonder where that expression came from?" Heath mused. "I never saw a hen get mad just 'cause she got wet. Have you?"

"You're changing the subject," Nick said.

"Yeah, I am," Heath said.

"What did you tell her when she told you?"

"That she ought to talk to you before she turns Carl down."

"Heath, I'm not gonna talk her into anything she's not ready for."

"I know that. I just think you're the one who's known Carl well enough and long enough that you can reassure her he is a decent guy. She got burned on that sheep business, too."

"Yeah, I know. She saw a side of Carl she didn't like. What did Jarrod say to her?"

"I don't know. I wasn't there. She was reading to him and he could tell there was something bothering her, so he wormed it out of her."

Nick grumbled a little. "Now that our big brother is getting more used to not being able to see, he's working on those other senses. It's getting harder to hide anything from him."

"Yeah, and he can read Audra like a book anyway. Always could."

"Well, he did practically raise her. I wonder what he said to her."

"Maybe you best think about what you're gonna say to her, because she'll be coming to you about it tonight, I'll wager. Since that was the advice I gave her."

Nick thought hard about it. It was a long time before he said, "What do you think I should say to her?"

"What do you think? Should she marry Carl?"

Nick shrugged. "I don't know. We're all over that sheep business, so that shouldn't be standing in her way."

"Maybe she's not over it."

"Did you ask her?"

"No, I just took the coward's way out and pointed her toward you. Besides, there's such a thing as too much advice. I think you should be the one she should listen to."

"I wonder what Jarrod said to her."

Heath got up to go back to work with a shrug. "Ask him," he said and headed back down the hill toward his horse.

XXXXXXX

Jarrod was pretty down to earth about it when Nick asked him that question later in the day. Nick found his older brother in the garden, sitting on the bench with his cane beside him. Jarrod was trying to get around more on the outside with the cane. Nick was proud of him for working on that, but right now he was more interested in Audra.

Jarrod heard him coming. "Afternoon, Nick," he said. "Have a seat."

Nick sat down beside him. "Feels good out here, doesn't it?"

"It does that," Jarrod said. "But you didn't come to talk about the weather. What's eating you?"

"How can you tell something's eating me in one sentence?" Nick asked.

Jarrod laughed. "You marched out of the house and then you slowed down when you got closer to me. I heard your spurs all the way."

"I'm worried about Audra," Nick said.

"Heath told you about Carl?" Jarrod asked.

"Yeah," Nick said. "I want to talk to her about him, but I don't know what to say and I don't know whether to wait for her to bring it up."

"Well, she'll figure you out even faster than I did," Jarrod said. "You've never been able to hide your feelings from her, even when she was little."

"She'll be mad at Heath when she finds out he blabbed to me."

"She'll get over it. But once she knows that you know, what do you want to say to her? Should she agree to marry Carl?"

Nick sighed. "I don't know. You know I love the man like a brother, even after that sheep business, and I know he'd be a good provider. But I don't want to try to talk her into something she's not ready for. Heath said I should ask you what you said to her when you talked about it yesterday. What did you say to her?"

"That life is short," Jarrod said. "Things can happen that change everything before you can even snap your fingers. That marriage is a commitment you have to be very sure about before you enter into it. And all that only means that you should follow your heart. That's the only way you'll be ready for both a lifetime commitment and the things that can happen that change everything."

"And what did she say to you?"

"Nothing. She just went back to reading to me."

Nick was quiet for a bit, thinking. Then he said, "Carl is a good man. I'd be pleased as punch if Audra married him."

"But – " Jarrod said.

"But if she doesn't love him, marrying him wouldn't work, would it?"

"Not with our little sister," Jarrod said. "There are a lot of loveless marriages out there, but our little sister wouldn't settle for one."

"I know Carl loves her," Nick said. "I know he'd be good to her. But that isn't all there is to it."

"No, it isn't," Jarrod said.

"Put all the rest of it aside for a minute, Jarrod. Do you think she ought to marry Carl?"

"I can't put all the rest of it aside, Nick," Jarrod said. "All the rest of it is what answers the question whether she should marry Carl or not."

Nick grumbled a bit.

"Tell you what," Jarrod said. "You're the one she'll want to have help her answer all the rest of it, because you know Carl best and you know her best. Just talk to her, let her work out what her heart is saying to her, even if she asks you point blank to tell her what to do. Just keep her talking. Help her figure it out for herself."

"You're better suited for that than I am," Nick said.

"No," Jarrod said. "I turned into a father for her when Father died. Whether to marry someone is not what Audra should ask her father about. She should just tell me her decision once she's made up her mind. It's her brother she should talk it over with, especially since the decision is about her brother's friend. Go find her, let her talk to you. Help her find her heart."

Nick reached over and gave his older brother a pat on the knee. "Thanks, Pappy. I'll do that."

"One thing – " Jarrod said as Nick got up. "If she says yes, tell Carl I expect him to come to me and properly ask for her hand." And he smiled.

Nick grinned. "I'll tell him."

Nick went back to the house, and Jarrod kept his smile. He could tell Nick was feeling better by the kick in the sound of his spurs.

XXXXXXX

Nick went back into the house through the library doors, and found his mother and sister sitting there on the sofa. They looked up at him as he came in, but didn't say anything to him. Victoria just squeezed Audra's hand and got up. "I need to go see where Jarrod's gotten to," she said to Audra.

"He's out in the garden," Nick said.

Victoria just nodded as she left through the doors Nick had come in, and Nick was left alone with his little sister. It wasn't hard to see that she and their mother had been talking about the decision Audra was trying to make. Audra looked away from Nick, down at her hands. "Jarrod's all right alone out there?"

"Yeah," Nick said. "He's been all right since he found out there were still things he needed to do in life, even if the biggest one right now is figuring out how to walk around here without breaking his neck." Nick wasn't sure how to begin the conversation he really wanted to have, but he was sure it was time to do it. He ended up saying, "Is what's bothering you too much for me to handle?"

Audra smiled and shook her head. "No."

Nick sat down beside her on the sofa. "Then give me a try."

"You've already talked to Jarrod and Heath about it, haven't you?"

"Yes, but they knew you and I needed to talk. You're having trouble figuring out what you want to tell Carl."

Audra nodded. "I love him, Nick – I think."

"Ah, well, there's the problem right there," Nick said. "If you have to tack on an 'I think' to the sentence, then you're not sure."

"No, I am sure," Audra said, nodding to herself. "I do love him. I just don't know if I'm ready to be married – to anybody."

"Is there something in particular making you feel unsure? It's not that sheep business."

"No, no, that's all over with, for all of us. I know Carl has come around to your way of seeing things – which is a big accomplishment on your part, by the way."

"Thank you," Nick said. "So what is it that's making you feel unsure?"

Audra took a deep breath. "I don't think I'm ready to settle down. There's a whole big world out there, Nick. There's Paris and Rome and London, and even China. And I want to see them. I want to see the ruins of Rome and the artist colonies in Paris and the crown jewels in England. I want to see so much, Nick."

"And marrying Carl would mean settling down and never seeing those places," Nick said.

Audra nodded. "I wasn't sure that's what it was until I talked to Mother just now. Then I realized it. I want more than Stockton. I want more than California. I'm – too selfish."

Nick smiled and reached over to take her in his arms. "That's not selfish, honey. It's honest. Carl would never want you to settle down with him if you still had all those things you wanted to do first."

"Do you really think that?"

"Yes, I do. Not that he wouldn't be upset if you turn him down, and he might not ask you again. Are you ready for that?"

Audra hesitated. "I suppose that's really why I've been unsure. Do I want Paris and Rome and London so much I'm willing to risk losing Carl forever? I don't know."

"What did he say when you told him you couldn't give him an answer yet?"

"He said he understood and that I should take my time. But he won't wait for me, Nick, will he?"

"For you to go off to Paris and Rome and London? I don't know, honey. Even if you asked him and he said he would, I don't know if he really would wait. And what if you met someone else while you're traveling around? Would you be willing to break a commitment to Carl, if he said he'd wait for you?"

Audra sighed. "I don't know. That's the problem. There's so much I don't know. Oh, Nick, I wish he hadn't asked me."

Nick kissed the top of her head. "Well, he did ask you, and you've got a decision to make. Jarrod said he told you to follow your heart."

"I don't know where my heart is taking me," Audra said.

"Or maybe it's taking you in two directions at once. Talk to me some more. Let's say you agree to marry Carl. You'd move in over there. In a year or so, you'd have a baby, then maybe two or three more over the next few years. You'd probably put in a garden like we have here. You'd have a tree in the house at Christmastime. You'd have a husband who gives you gifts and keeps you warm and happy at night."

"I'd have love," Audra said. "Carl loves me. I'd never be lonely."

"If you turn him down, you'd have all the places you've wanted to see, all the memories you've wanted to accumulate. Maybe a romance with a handsome fellow in Rome. Then you'd come home again."

"And I might not have Carl waiting here for me," Audra said. "I might have my romance and my memories of my travels, but I might not have Carl. I might never have those babies or that Christmas tree in my own home or the husband who keeps me warm and safe at night."

Nick sighed. "Well, there you have it. You just have to decide what you want."

Audra looked up at Nick and then leaned against his shoulder. "I should follow my heart."

"Absolutely," Nick said. "And it is leading you somewhere. You probably really know where. You just have to say yes to where it's leading you."

Audra kissed Nick's cheek. "Thank you."

"Did I help?" Nick asked.

"Yes," Audra said. "You definitely helped."

XXXXXX

Mrs. Victoria Barkley

Requests the Honor of your Presence

At the Marriage of her Daughter

Audra Barkley

To Carl Wheeler

At the Barkley Ranch

On

September 10, 1877

At 4:00 pm

Victoria showed the invitation to Nick first. It seemed appropriate. He smiled. "Carl asked me to be Best Man, you know," Nick told his mother.

"I thought he would," Victoria said. "Jarrod, of course, will give the bride away. And I will cry my eyes out."

Nick laughed and gave his mother a squeeze. "You're entitled to."

"I was afraid she was going to turn him down."

"I think we all were, but she finally figured out where her heart wanted her to go and she followed it."

"Thank you, Nick, for helping her figure that out." Victoria kissed her son and wrapped her arms around him. "It can be tough taking that next step in life."

"Audra just had to realize she was ready for it," Nick said.

"Now, Nick, when are _you_ getting married?"


	3. Chapter 3

Part of "His Last Secret." Nick goes to see Barbary Red in prison to fulfill one last request for Jarrod (MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH)

Nick's Trilogy – Chapter 3

The Last Errand

 _Dear Nick –_

 _If you are reading this, you know I've lost my last battle, whatever it turns out to be. I never intended to leave anyone a note, but after thinking about it, I decided I had to leave you this one. I'm leaving it behind in writing rather than talking to you before I go because I didn't want to give you the chance to argue with me, as I know you would do if I just tried to talk this out with you._

 _I did not live a life without regrets. Who does? You already know what many of them are, and perhaps you know this one the best. One thing I have left completely unfinished is my penance over the way I treated Barbary Red. I know you are going to curse me to high heaven when you read what I'm asking you to do, but please, brother mine, hear me out first._

 _Life could have been so much better for her if men had not so often used her for their own purposes. I regret almost more than anything in my entire life that I was one of those men. I don't regret my reason – I had to get you away from the crimps before they sent you off to sea. I know, she used you and that offsets things, but I do deeply regret that I had to use her to save you._

 _So I'm asking you, dear brother, to go to her and tell her there is a bank account waiting for her when she is released from prison in 1882. This account is in the form of a trust that will be administered by my old friend Nat Springer. Barbara will receive a set amount each month for one year, on the condition that she remains free of any arrests. Nat will be keeping an eye on things, and he will help her get started in any business she wants provided it is legal and there are no illegal activities associated with that business. This is to help her get started again. It will be up to her to keep going in the right direction._

 _Please tell Barbara I know she can meet these conditions. I meant it when I told her she belonged on our side of town. That was not a lie to help get you free. That was and is the truth._

 _Give Barbara my sincere apologies for what I did to her, but tell her I really do believe in her._

 _With all my love, Jarrod_

Barbary Red looked at the note for a long time. Nick tried to read her face, but he saw only a blank slate. She finally handed the letter back to him.

"No, I'd rather you kept that," Nick said, refusing it. "It's really to you, not to me. I suppose you know my brother died ten days ago."

"Everyone around here knows," Barbara said. "I'd say I was sorry, but it would be a lie."

A hot twinge of grief ran through Nick. "Look, I have no love for you after what you did to me, and I don't expect you to have any love for my brother, but he did care about you."

"Sure."

"Believe it or don't believe it. It's up to you. I'm just here to deliver that message."

Barbara put the letter back in front of Nick. "I don't need his guilt money."

"Yes, you do," Nick said. "If you want to make any kind of life for yourself when you leave here, you need that money. Personally, I don't understand why Jarrod felt like he had to do this, but he was dying and I expect he was thinking back over the things he'd done in his life, and things he didn't do that he thought he should have. Men tend to do that when they know their time is short."

"If you want sympathy from me – "

"I don't want anything from you," Nick cut her off, and he passed her Nat Springer's business card. "I'm only asking you to keep this card and keep that letter. Jarrod believed in you and he wanted to help you and he wanted you to know that. You might change your mind when it gets closer to time for you to be released."

Nick got up and walked out without saying another word. He honestly did not care what Barbary Red did now. He did not agree with what Jarrod had done for her, and he really didn't like that Jarrod had asked him to take care of it instead of asking Heath or even their mother, but Jarrod was his brother and now he was gone and Nick knew it was up to him to see that his last wishes were carried out. Even if he did not like them.

Nick left the building that housed San Quentin's female prisoners, hailed a hack and went back to his hotel as quickly as possible. Once there, he went to his room and flopped down on the bed, and stared at the ceiling.

And he wept. He wept because until now, he hadn't been able to. His family needed him when Jarrod died. Even though they were expecting it because of the illness that was sapping his life away, they thought there would be more time with him, but suddenly all the time was gone. Nick found it was up to him to see to Jarrod's affairs, to care for his wife and son, and to console his family. Nick was only beginning to feel like he had the room to grieve himself. Now, alone in San Francisco, performing one last errand for his big brother that really left a bad taste in his mouth, the grief was finally overwhelming.

Nick sat up and lowered his face into his hands. He sobbed like a baby. He cursed his older brother for leaving him and he thanked God that he had him in the first place. He wondered for the n'th time how he was ever going to be to his family what Jarrod had been – counselor, father figure, Pappy. He wondered even though he knew he couldn't be those things.

He didn't know how long he had been like that when he heard a knock at the door. He got up, wiped his face, and opened the door. A bellman handed him an envelope. Nick took it and tipped him.

He closed the door and saw that the envelope was from the women's warden at San Quentin. She knew where he was and she knew that he had been to see Barbary Red. He opened the envelope.

All it contained was the note Jarrod had written him and Nat Springer's business card. Nick wasn't surprised.

Nick sagged back to the edge of the bed. "Well, Big Brother, I did what I could, but she won't forgive you. I'm sorry."

Nick cried more, cried now because his errand had been pointless. Barbary Red would not accept what Jarrod tried to do for her. Finally Nick was cried out. He knew there was a train to Sacramento and then Stockton he could still catch. He put the envelope from the warden into his suitcase, packed up and headed out.

When he checked out, there was another note for him at the desk. What now, he wondered, then saw it was a telegram. He opened it while he waited for a hack in front of the hotel. He was surprised it was from Jarrod's wife, Maggie.

 _Jarrod asked me to send this to you. He knew you'd go to Barbary Red for him even if you didn't like it, and he suspected she'd turn you down. He wanted you to know how grateful he was that you tried._

Nick sagged into tears again, but he smiled, too. Leave it to Jarrod to think this far ahead and actually get it right. God, he wished that Barbary Red had forgiven him, but it wasn't to be. Still, the wire Maggie sent lifted Nick's spirits. He didn't feel so much like he had failed Jarrod now. He felt like his big brother had come to him one more time to say, "Don't worry, Nick. It's all okay."

Pulling his tears back inside, Nick pocketed the telegram and climbed into a hack to go to the railroad station, and home.

XXXXXXX

Nick just shook his head when he got home and told his mother what had happened at San Quentin. Victoria listened, accepting his confusion and even anger with Jarrod for asking him to see Barbary Red. She hated to see Nick so tied up in knots over that woman again, especially now that he was grappling with Jarrod's death and everything he had to do to take care of his older brother's affairs.

"I just wish he hadn't asked me to do it," Nick said. "I mean, I don't really get why he did it in the first place, but to ask me to go to her and talk to her when all I've ever wanted to do is strangle her – "

Victoria shrugged a little. "Nick, I think perhaps I do understand why he asked you to go to her."

Nick looked surprised, and a bit more angry.

"After she was arrested and she refused Jarrod's offer to represent her, he wasn't angry about it, but you were," Victoria said. "And the one or two times her name has come up over the years, you've become quite angry about it."

"So he sends me to run another offer to her when he thinks she's gonna turn it down?"

"Think about it for a minute, Nick. She pled guilty. You didn't confront her at a trial. You haven't confronted her at all about what she did to you. All there's ever been for you as far as Barbary Red is concerned is an open door of anger rushing in. Now I don't know this for a fact. He never talked to me about any of this, but maybe Jarrod wanted you to have to sit down with that woman and face the anger you've been carrying around with you."

"By offering her money?!"

"Perhaps that was to ease his conscience, like he said. But if he was afraid she'd turn you down, well, perhaps he knew that would give you the opportunity to express your anger, safely. And to turn your back on her literally and walk away. That's what you haven't done all these years. Turn your back on her and walk away."

Nick thought about that. It did feel good to walk out of that room and leave Barbary Red sitting there. His mother was right. He'd just been carrying the anger around and never ridding himself of it.

Victoria shrugged again. "Maybe Jarrod saw this as a win-win situation. She turns you down, you get to walk away from her finally. She takes the money, maybe it signals she's ready to try to live a straight life, and you get to help her do it."

"Help her – I'll tell you what I'd like to help her do – "

"Nick," Victoria said. "It doesn't matter now how you would have felt if she had taken the money, but don't you think it would have helped you feel a bit of contentment if she had accepted Jarrod's wish to help her straighten her life out? Either way, you'd have gotten something out of your meeting with her. Don't you think your brother was thinking of that when he asked you to go see her?"

Nick sighed finally. "Yeah. Yeah, he probably was."

Victoria put her arms around Nick's waist and kissed him on the cheek. "It's done now, all of it. Time to let it go. Just thank your big brother and move on."

Nick kissed her back. "Yeah, you're right. I can let it go now, all of it. And it's way past time. And you're right. Jarrod would have thought about all that." Nick sighed again. "I'm really gonna miss him. I'm sorry I can't be more like him for you."

Victoria laughed a little and cried a little at the same time. "Oh, Nick, I don't need you to be Jarrod. I don't even want you to be Jarrod. I want you to keep being you, perhaps a bit improved, but you."

She made Nick laugh and kiss her again.

The End


End file.
